Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bad Days


You ever have one of those days when everything goes wrong? Yeah. I had one of those yesterday, coming on the heels of a rough week. One of those days when I wish I hadn't had to grow up and it could still be 1985 and I could be eating Froot Loops in front of the Saturday cartoons with my brothers right now. One of those days when I feel like a complete failure at everything and a total waste of space.

I don't have days like that very often anymore. I think my husband was a bit startled. It's been awhile. Depression runs through my family like other families have blue eyes. So, I am no stranger to despair. However, much of my adult life has been about learning to manage that. I have had some success. Every now and then though, our demons get the best of us.

However, one of the big things that I have learned came into play with great success. Ask for help. Or ask for encouragement. Or just ask for a shoulder to cry on. Maybe it seems weak to some, but simply asking for help will a lot of times get it for you. A little help goes a long way. It tells you that you are worth the effort. With this message ringing in your heart, sometimes you can find the strength to try again.

So that is where I am today. A bit battered, mostly by myself, but getting back up. I'm trying again. I'm not down for the count yet. Why? Because I asked for help. My husband helped out last night in person, and some online friends offered encouragement online, and I offered myself a good night's rest and some time with a good book. Today, I have been cautiously hopeful. Certainly I have not been raining down emotional abuse on myself. With a deep breath and a little work, maybe I won't have another day like yesterday for a very long time.